Tales From The Wasatch Back – May 2, 2011

Good bye winter. I’ll miss you. Hahahhaah! Just kidding. Stay away as long as you like. No, that’s mean. Listen… even though you and I aren’t the greatest of friends, I know a lot of people who rely on you for their livelihood, and countless others who don’t mind freezing temperatures, frozen windshields, or frostbitten fingers. In fact, I know a ton of people who actually get a giant kick out of you!

I’m not in that camp, but, hey, I appreciate the fact that you’re an important member of our community. I wish you didn’t block the sun so much. And I wish I didn’t have to spend months on end keeping track of pint sized mittens, hats, coats, and other cold weather apparel, either. I mean, how can a five year old lose an entire winter coat? How could his mom not catch on that it’s missing? I’m not saying it’s your fault, but these are the kinds of things that happen in my house when you’re around.

You know, it’s also kind of expensive keeping two sets of tires for my beat down mini van. If only there were a way to keep your blizzards off the roads. That would be a neat trick. While you’re at it, it would be great if you could avoid my driveway. Even though it’s barely two carlengths long, it’s still enough to cause an aching back. I know, I know. Home Depot sells snow blowers. But you don’t know my husband. He believes in the old fashioned method of snow removal – shoveling! Isn’t that hilarious? It would be if it weren’t my back!

I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings when I said you wouldn’t be missed. I’m not totally ungrateful for what you give my family. What? You want specifics? OK. I think it’s pretty cool that my three boys get to go skiing ten minutes from our house. We couldn’t do that if you weren’t around. I also dig the fact that my husband is totally into ice rinks and spends all winter keeping our backyard rink smooth for our boys and anyone else who wants to come around. (Is it fair to mention the friend of the neighbor who came by and broke his elbow on the ice? I don’t blame you, mister winter, but if you weren’t around… I’m just saying.)

I also dig your look. White looks good on mountains, lawns, rooftops, and even eyelashes. You picked a good color for snow. Even though technically white isn’t a good color, it’s still pretty nice. So, if I’m being totally honest, you’re not a bad sort. You do have your merits, so how about I just thank you for that? And, like I said, you do tons for our region, so props for that.

I guess it’s time to welcome in Spring. Oh wait, we don’t call it Spring in these parts.

Hello, shoulder season, how are you? And what, pray tell, are you? I remember the first time I heard someone use that term, “shoulder season.” I pretended I knew what it meant. Secretly, I wondered where head, knee, and toe season were. Rather than look it up, I thought maybe it means crappy weather season?

Is that rude? Hey, you just got here. Let’s not get into it. But, ummm, just wondering… do you have any idea when Summer’s getting here? I really like Summer.